Heather Hawk

More than life - it was stuff and lots of it. What can go wrong and right happened. Following are only a few occurrences:
Coordinating contractors for repairs and installations. The 25-year-old refrigerator Tricked us up and had to be replaced. Boo!

We had a new fence installed. Treat!

While driving, an unseen obstacle cracked the windshield and had to be replaced Boo!

Out of state relatives stayed with us for a week. Treat!

A new formatter for my upcoming book on flash fiction, can't seem to get it right. Boo!

One of my stories was selected for "The Day that Changed Everything" published by Brightspring Books. Treat! Here is your link for updates on a December anticipated release: https://memoirmentors.com/anthology Treat!

We worked hard on downsizing and reorganizing. Is that a Trick or a Treat? I'm not sure, but we missed Halloween and most of the autumn colors of October. However, lost items have now been found.

We hope life calms for an enjoyable Thanksgiving! 

Our desert in Arizona is full of surprises. The husband of an acquaintance relayed this incident:

 

Willy heard the doorbell chime an hour after breakfast. Bummed out, as he had just reclined in a pillowed barcolounger to watch the 11 o'clock news. And being the laid-back, do as little as possible, pot-bellied kind of retiree, he was in his pajama boxer briefs. He hurried to the closet, picked up the trousers that lay in the laundry pile, and slid them on.

At the second doorbell chime, and knocking on the door, he picked up his step and hurried to open the door.

 

Two suited elderly ladies introduced themselves, "Hello, I'm Jan and this is Cynthia, we are from the church of Latter Day Saints."

At that moment Willy's hand slowly moved to his inner thigh as he felt a tickle that had to be scratched.

 

"We have some new literature that we'd like to share with you and if there are any concerns or troubles, we can praa..."

 

The itch on Willy's thigh was in motion, and he began to shake his leg.
To no avail, the tickling climbed higher and was nearing his jewels. He grabbed his crotch and jumped around.

The ladies eyes practically bulged out of their sockets, as they tripped over each other to run away while screeching at the top of their lungs.

The pants came off as Willy shook his legs outside the entry and a four-inch scorpion scurried away.

One sunny afternoon, on a typical work day - I say typical because even on drizzly northwest days, the sun emerged or the rain paused when I exited a car to measure a house - I had just completed measuring an open framed house located at the end of a dead-end street in a rural area. The construction workers were not on-site. This was a good opportunity to visit the portable throne out in the front yard.
As I was finishing up, the sounds of a large truck came closer and stopped very close by...
"Oh, I better hurry. Glad they're back, I have questions for the construction workers."
Upon my opening the door, a worker stood with his arm stretched towards the loo's door, and he jumped backwards. Startled, with his mouth agape, he uttered, "I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in there. I was just going to load the bucket for cleaning."
Whew. Glad I'm fast. So relieved I was, not going to be swimming in a cesspool by end of day. A past snorkeling experience came close enough to that.
And so, I finished my typical day with yet another out-of-the-ordinary and unexpected incident.

Barbecue season is upon us and, of course, we are ready. The propane tank is full, the smoker is on the deck, and we have just ground two pounds of sirloin to grill. Four pounds of firm line-caught salmon will be prepped this evening for smoking tomorrow.
As told in my story "For a Date, Eat it Raw" I prefer well cooked-meat; however, over the years I developed a taste for raw oysters, sushi and smoked salmon.
Smoking fish-to eat, that is, not to draw on it like a rolled smoke-is an art. As with most food preparation, we wing it, feel it, and may taste it throughout the process.
Here are some ideas for smoking fish:
We first start with line-caught King or Chinook salmon in similar uniform thicknesses.
Cut into similar sizes.
Soak in a brine of salt and sugar. We have found that using a ratio of 75 percent sugar and 25 percent sea-salt results in the best flavor, which is favored by most tasters. Sometimes we switch to a 50/50 ratio.
Place fish into a loosely covered dish and marinate overnight in the refrigerator.
The following day, uncover the fish. Rinse to remove the salt-sugar mixture and pat dry. Use brown or white sugar.
Then season it with a mixture of paprika, garlic and onion powders, and pepper. Match spices to your taste.
Let it dry a bit to form a pellicle-a dry film that forms like a thin crust. This step may take a couple or more hours depending upon humidity.
When the pellicle is dry, shiny, and a bit tacky to the touch, it is time for the smoker.
Moisten the cherry or oak chips. Smoke for an hour or two until it reaches the consistency and dryness that you prefer.
Enjoy with capers, creamed cheese, or alone.

A great resource for detailed methodology is the Fulton Fish Market in New York.

The saying is - "April showers bring May flowers." That may be true in certain parts of the country but not in the Northwest where the slogan is "May's rains bring June blooms."

Temperature lows are only high enough to plant starts and seeds outdoors beginning in June.  A fairly consistent temperature of fifty degrees and higher is needed for planting seeds and putting out tomato plants.
With this in mind, forget chili peppers which will need greenhouse conditions without any slimy voracious slugs.

In my New York life, I never thought much about the weather. It was what it was, and we dressed appropriately for the conditions. Hot and humid in the summer brought out colorful, light-weight cottons. During snow and freezing temperatures, fur boots, long coats, hats, and gloves were donned. During occasional rains, an umbrella was always utilized. This is not the case in the Northwest. The Northwest is home to outdoor enthusiasts. Dang the weather! Dang a change of clothing! Open sandals, t-shirts, and shorts are the adornment of the born-and-raised crowd. Keeping to neutral colors of beige and brown, one never worries about color coordination. For a change, there may be a splash of green. Emerald green that is, to show ones woodsy nature. The outdoor temperature cannot be estimated by looking out of your window to the pedestrians below, as this 'uniform' is worn year-round. And since the rainfall or mist is typically light, an umbrella is for sissies.

A neutral color is also the vogue in Arizona. I brought a lot of lightweight whites for the hot weather. A mistake. This is what occurred. The whites turned a sandy light tan. The blowing sand embeds into the fabric. Washing does not help because in many water districts an extremely high mineral and sand content gets past the reverse osmosis systems. For me, I found light tans and straw-colored clothing is best. However, local desert rats wear black. Black leggings are the year-round staple for many women, regardless of temperatures that exceed 100 degrees. Men wear jeans or shorts.

My preference is to use phenology to determine when to plant and what to wear. When traveling to other countries, I wear similar garb to the locals, and it is hard to identify me as an outsider. But on the West coast I stand out as a tourist.

Many people might answer that they were connected to email, on the cloud, or cooking. Frustrating, isn't it?
There were opposing views on "Age of Electronics" but many readers could relate to my problems with computers and modern appliances. Others were not convinced by emperical evidence that my personal electromagnetic waves have an effect on most electronics.
I agree that not all breakdowns and glitches are due to my body's chemistry, and I certainly did not cause the last major power outage. Other humongous problems lurk behind that video screen. To name a few conduits: electricity, weather, atmospheric pressures, brown-outs, internet service providers, modems, and vandalism.
The idea that your data should be filed 'on the cloud' is beyond hopeless. Email? Mostly non-existent when the internet is down. Previously, on older systems, emails were available and could be viewed on your computer. Work could still get done, however, on the new cloud system, that is no longer viable.
Today's latest 982MB update has caused major problems for me. Substantially slower response on a one year old machine, unable to control settings without being on 'The Cloud', automatically synced my files, etc. There will be more problems found and more wasted time figuring this out, as the day goes on.
Buying a new appliance or gadget? Paper manuals are not provided. When setting up or troubleshooting a malfunction, cross your fingers that the internet is alive so you can download and print the manual.
Many areas of the country experience power outages, poor connections, brown-outs, and rotating power outages all too often. What happens when "The Cloud" dissipates?
To the rescue! A hidden, fading, yellowed paper appears. My back-up insurance for information.
In Grays Harbor County, there were a total of 230 outages recorded for the year 2023, and 50,293 interruptions of power. All of which amounted to 193,991 customer hours.
According to Tara Energy-one of the electrical providers in Texas-in 2020, 1.33 billion hours of power outages affected the United States, with California having the highest number of interruptions.
The high numbers are mind-blowing and extensive. Bloom Energy's web-site has an interactive map of historical outages in California.
Be prepared for the next outage. Here are a few items to consider having on hand:

• candles and matches
• land-line phone
• gas-powered stove
• propane barbecue
• pencil, pen, and lots of paper!

 

A few months ago, we noticed something strange going on. Our spinning neighbor seemed to be confused and perhaps had lost his vortex.

 

During previous performances, what we will refer to as 'meditations', he never spoke. Never said hello to us nor acknowledged any passersby. However, on a beautiful still day in January, rather than the early morning routine of spinning in his driveway, and then scanning the roadway from the curb, he walked in a straight line eastwardly in the street, all the while mumbling to himself. There wasn't a bluetooth device in his ear. At the end of the street, he pivoted 180 degrees and proceeded westward, past our home and headed towards the desert, still talking.

 

Perhaps a brain-computer interface was embedded in his head? We may never know, as we haven't seen him since. Conceivably, he has found his vortex.

 

My Godfather grew up in Ireland during the early 1900s, way after the potato famine. At the time, Ireland was a huge producer of salted beef. But meat was unaffordable for the majority of the Irish, including my Godfather. Potatoes were the main staple at his house. Times were hard and he worked hard. He lived well into his 80s. A tribute to his solid upbringing, despite the hard drinking. Here was one of his favorite toasts:

"Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. Here's to the ones we love dearest and most. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!"

My friends and I miss our stand-by tavern on Mercer Street, in Seattle. Jake O'Shaughnessy was located across from the Seattle Center and housed in an older natural red brick building vacated by the Hanson's Baking Company. The interior was refurbished with brass, marble, and dark wood decor. The singing bartenders were a hit, but the one-dollar hot Irish coffees topped with cold, foamy cream, served in a clear glass were the best.
Following our annual tradition, we'll celebrate with a home-cooked corned beef, cabbage, and carrots. Our home bartender will whip up a few Irish coffees while he sings Irish melodies.

Slainte!

February has always been a dark, dreary and cold month, where I have lived in the northern United States. February is short on days, long on bleakness and halfway between winter and spring. School seemed to drag on. It was dark in the morning, cloudy days made interior rooms appear gray. And when leaving school or work in the late afternoons it was dark again outside.

But I have learned something new! It took over 50 years for me to be aware of how wonderful the days in February can be.
To start the month off in great spirits and to promote health, the first day in February is National Dark Chocolate Day! I'm beginning to love this month.
According to various websites that list holidays and celebratory days, February is "Weddings Month". - No wonder there are so many babies born in November!

• The third week is International Flirting Week - Go for it! Try your best during February as it is also Spunky Old Broads month.
• February 3rd is National Carrot Cake Day - One of my favorite nonsweet cakes.
• February 5th is National Shower with a Friend Day - Come on, get friendly.
• February 13 is National Wingman Day - Support your Buddies!
  

There's something to appreciate every day. Here are a few other celebrations in February:

• The first Saturday of the month is Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day - What an upbeat start for your day.
  
• An Affair to Remember Month - Ahhh, the good old days.
• Creative Romance Month - Time for new affectionate moves.
• Great American Pie Month - What's Not to Love?
• National Bird Feeding Month - Be generous to all.
• National Cherry Month - Time for another pie or Manhattan cocktail?
• Spunky Old Broads Month - There are a lot of Cougars out there.
• The last Saturday night of the month is Open That Bottle Night - A great way to welcome March.
  

There are so many more friendly and lovely activities for celebration in February, make it your month to smile, and spread joy to others.

The first small television set, available in 1929, was housed in a cabinet and displayed a fuzzy photo the size of a postage stamp. A short time later the display grew to four inches. By the late 1990s, we watched television on wall-sized screens—some eight feet wide.

Soon we will be squinting to view shows on inch-wide screens again, as television shows are now viewed on "Smartphones"; and "Smartwatch" technology has down-sized to a postage size for podcasts.

 

In December 2024, I decided to get with the 'in-crowd' and ditch my trusty flip phone, which had a two-week battery life charge, in exchange for a phone and a watch advertised as "Smart". However, it seems that my version is a "Shadywatch". Readers of "Running With Knives" will understand why I have named the watch "Shady".

 

As was written in "Running With Knives" my compatibility with technology continues to confound and may become legendary. We all have an energy field that emits electricity. I've been told that my electromagnetism and my vibrations are close to an audible 20 Hz frequency. Indeed, people have either felt or heard me coming prior to my entrance. Although, here in this electronic instance, I blame the 'Shady Watch".

 

The 'watch' during sleep mode should detect the end of my sleep cycle. Ha! I've walked, shaken my arms, and activated the 'Activity' menu to count steps. 'Shady Watch' is still in Sleep mode. The watch does its own thing, including changing apps without any tap from my finger. There are also vibrations without any notification or change in the face. I've learned to ignore these spam vibrations.

 

A word or two on the hypnotizing effect of technology:
Prior to the unfortunate purchase of this toy, I wondered why so many people were walking about like zombies with their eyes focused on their wristwatch. Now I know.

The watch buzzes the tenth notification before noon. "What the heck is it notifying me about now?" I grumble out loud. After two days, the device has made me into a mad person.

 

Imagine the first phone call that came through: Withinn an hour of wearing the watch the 'Watch' buzzes. I am now "trained" to look. A phone icon is lit. What? My phone did not ring. This is Dick Tracy time. I answer the faux phone because the 'real' computerized phone is silent. The caller is barely audible. Annoyed and shaking my head, of course, I have no idea how to adjust the volume. Five minutes to check internet instruction, when I would rather be eating or doing anything else.  

 

I've tried to find and then follow online instructions for detailed steps on how to operate this 'Smart Watch'. Due to the unfortunate fact that a new updated version is sold each year, my version doesn't have instructions online as yet. The older instructions do not apply and are not compatible with newer technology. Instructions on turning off the phone displayed text for dialing Emergency Services!

 

This is an excessively expensive toy with over 40 apps and a minimal 10-hour battery life. Only five apps are really needed, but it is not possible to remove unused apps that use up battery life. The watch and the phone are modern appliances added to my list of "take too much time to learn how to operate". And of course, the inevitable wasted time on numerous taps to find a needed application.

 

Old is new again, but not in a better way. Dick Tracy did it better.