Heather Hawk

One sunny afternoon, on a typical work day - I say typical because even on drizzly northwest days, the sun emerged or the rain paused when I exited a car to measure a house - I had just completed measuring an open framed house located at the end of a dead-end street in a rural area. The construction workers were not on-site. This was a good opportunity to visit the portable throne out in the front yard.
As I was finishing up, the sounds of a large truck came closer and stopped very close by...
"Oh, I better hurry. Glad they're back, I have questions for the construction workers."
Upon my opening the door, a worker stood with his arm stretched towards the loo's door, and he jumped backwards. Startled, with his mouth agape, he uttered, "I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was in there. I was just going to load the bucket for cleaning."
Whew. Glad I'm fast. So relieved I was, not going to be swimming in a cesspool by end of day. A past snorkeling experience came close enough to that.
And so, I finished my typical day with yet another out-of-the-ordinary and unexpected incident.

Barbecue season is upon us and, of course, we are ready. The propane tank is full, the smoker is on the deck, and we have just ground two pounds of sirloin to grill. Four pounds of firm line-caught salmon will be prepped this evening for smoking tomorrow.
As told in my story "For a Date, Eat it Raw" I prefer well cooked-meat; however, over the years I developed a taste for raw oysters, sushi and smoked salmon.
Smoking fish-to eat, that is, not to draw on it like a rolled smoke-is an art. As with most food preparation, we wing it, feel it, and may taste it throughout the process.
Here are some ideas for smoking fish:
We first start with line-caught King or Chinook salmon in similar uniform thicknesses.
Cut into similar sizes.
Soak in a brine of salt and sugar. We have found that using a ratio of 75 percent sugar and 25 percent sea-salt results in the best flavor, which is favored by most tasters. Sometimes we switch to a 50/50 ratio.
Place fish into a loosely covered dish and marinate overnight in the refrigerator.
The following day, uncover the fish. Rinse to remove the salt-sugar mixture and pat dry. Use brown or white sugar.
Then season it with a mixture of paprika, garlic and onion powders, and pepper. Match spices to your taste.
Let it dry a bit to form a pellicle-a dry film that forms like a thin crust. This step may take a couple or more hours depending upon humidity.
When the pellicle is dry, shiny, and a bit tacky to the touch, it is time for the smoker.
Moisten the cherry or oak chips. Smoke for an hour or two until it reaches the consistency and dryness that you prefer.
Enjoy with capers, creamed cheese, or alone.

A great resource for detailed methodology is the Fulton Fish Market in New York.

The saying is - "April showers bring May flowers." That may be true in certain parts of the country but not in the Northwest where the slogan is "May's rains bring June blooms."

Temperature lows are only high enough to plant starts and seeds outdoors beginning in June.  A fairly consistent temperature of fifty degrees and higher is needed for planting seeds and putting out tomato plants.
With this in mind, forget chili peppers which will need greenhouse conditions without any slimy voracious slugs.

In my New York life, I never thought much about the weather. It was what it was, and we dressed appropriately for the conditions. Hot and humid in the summer brought out colorful, light-weight cottons. During snow and freezing temperatures, fur boots, long coats, hats, and gloves were donned. During occasional rains, an umbrella was always utilized. This is not the case in the Northwest. The Northwest is home to outdoor enthusiasts. Dang the weather! Dang a change of clothing! Open sandals, t-shirts, and shorts are the adornment of the born-and-raised crowd. Keeping to neutral colors of beige and brown, one never worries about color coordination. For a change, there may be a splash of green. Emerald green that is, to show ones woodsy nature. The outdoor temperature cannot be estimated by looking out of your window to the pedestrians below, as this 'uniform' is worn year-round. And since the rainfall or mist is typically light, an umbrella is for sissies.

A neutral color is also the vogue in Arizona. I brought a lot of lightweight whites for the hot weather. A mistake. This is what occurred. The whites turned a sandy light tan. The blowing sand embeds into the fabric. Washing does not help because in many water districts an extremely high mineral and sand content gets past the reverse osmosis systems. For me, I found light tans and straw-colored clothing is best. However, local desert rats wear black. Black leggings are the year-round staple for many women, regardless of temperatures that exceed 100 degrees. Men wear jeans or shorts.

My preference is to use phenology to determine when to plant and what to wear. When traveling to other countries, I wear similar garb to the locals, and it is hard to identify me as an outsider. But on the West coast I stand out as a tourist.

Many people might answer that they were connected to email, on the cloud, or cooking. Frustrating, isn't it?
There were opposing views on "Age of Electronics" but many readers could relate to my problems with computers and modern appliances. Others were not convinced by emperical evidence that my personal electromagnetic waves have an effect on most electronics.
I agree that not all breakdowns and glitches are due to my body's chemistry, and I certainly did not cause the last major power outage. Other humongous problems lurk behind that video screen. To name a few conduits: electricity, weather, atmospheric pressures, brown-outs, internet service providers, modems, and vandalism.
The idea that your data should be filed 'on the cloud' is beyond hopeless. Email? Mostly non-existent when the internet is down. Previously, on older systems, emails were available and could be viewed on your computer. Work could still get done, however, on the new cloud system, that is no longer viable.
Today's latest 982MB update has caused major problems for me. Substantially slower response on a one year old machine, unable to control settings without being on 'The Cloud', automatically synced my files, etc. There will be more problems found and more wasted time figuring this out, as the day goes on.
Buying a new appliance or gadget? Paper manuals are not provided. When setting up or troubleshooting a malfunction, cross your fingers that the internet is alive so you can download and print the manual.
Many areas of the country experience power outages, poor connections, brown-outs, and rotating power outages all too often. What happens when "The Cloud" dissipates?
To the rescue! A hidden, fading, yellowed paper appears. My back-up insurance for information.
In Grays Harbor County, there were a total of 230 outages recorded for the year 2023, and 50,293 interruptions of power. All of which amounted to 193,991 customer hours.
According to Tara Energy-one of the electrical providers in Texas-in 2020, 1.33 billion hours of power outages affected the United States, with California having the highest number of interruptions.
The high numbers are mind-blowing and extensive. Bloom Energy's web-site has an interactive map of historical outages in California.
Be prepared for the next outage. Here are a few items to consider having on hand:

• candles and matches
• land-line phone
• gas-powered stove
• propane barbecue
• pencil, pen, and lots of paper!

 

A few months ago, we noticed something strange going on. Our spinning neighbor seemed to be confused and perhaps had lost his vortex.

 

During previous performances, what we will refer to as 'meditations', he never spoke. Never said hello to us nor acknowledged any passersby. However, on a beautiful still day in January, rather than the early morning routine of spinning in his driveway, and then scanning the roadway from the curb, he walked in a straight line eastwardly in the street, all the while mumbling to himself. There wasn't a bluetooth device in his ear. At the end of the street, he pivoted 180 degrees and proceeded westward, past our home and headed towards the desert, still talking.

 

Perhaps a brain-computer interface was embedded in his head? We may never know, as we haven't seen him since. Conceivably, he has found his vortex.

 

My Godfather grew up in Ireland during the early 1900s, way after the potato famine. At the time, Ireland was a huge producer of salted beef. But meat was unaffordable for the majority of the Irish, including my Godfather. Potatoes were the main staple at his house. Times were hard and he worked hard. He lived well into his 80s. A tribute to his solid upbringing, despite the hard drinking. Here was one of his favorite toasts:

"Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. Here's to the ones we love dearest and most. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!"

My friends and I miss our stand-by tavern on Mercer Street, in Seattle. Jake O'Shaughnessy was located across from the Seattle Center and housed in an older natural red brick building vacated by the Hanson's Baking Company. The interior was refurbished with brass, marble, and dark wood decor. The singing bartenders were a hit, but the one-dollar hot Irish coffees topped with cold, foamy cream, served in a clear glass were the best.
Following our annual tradition, we'll celebrate with a home-cooked corned beef, cabbage, and carrots. Our home bartender will whip up a few Irish coffees while he sings Irish melodies.

Slainte!

February has always been a dark, dreary and cold month, where I have lived in the northern United States. February is short on days, long on bleakness and halfway between winter and spring. School seemed to drag on. It was dark in the morning, cloudy days made interior rooms appear gray. And when leaving school or work in the late afternoons it was dark again outside.

But I have learned something new! It took over 50 years for me to be aware of how wonderful the days in February can be.
To start the month off in great spirits and to promote health, the first day in February is National Dark Chocolate Day! I'm beginning to love this month.
According to various websites that list holidays and celebratory days, February is "Weddings Month". - No wonder there are so many babies born in November!

• The third week is International Flirting Week - Go for it! Try your best during February as it is also Spunky Old Broads month.
• February 3rd is National Carrot Cake Day - One of my favorite nonsweet cakes.
• February 5th is National Shower with a Friend Day - Come on, get friendly.
• February 13 is National Wingman Day - Support your Buddies!
  

There's something to appreciate every day. Here are a few other celebrations in February:

• The first Saturday of the month is Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day - What an upbeat start for your day.
  
• An Affair to Remember Month - Ahhh, the good old days.
• Creative Romance Month - Time for new affectionate moves.
• Great American Pie Month - What's Not to Love?
• National Bird Feeding Month - Be generous to all.
• National Cherry Month - Time for another pie or Manhattan cocktail?
• Spunky Old Broads Month - There are a lot of Cougars out there.
• The last Saturday night of the month is Open That Bottle Night - A great way to welcome March.
  

There are so many more friendly and lovely activities for celebration in February, make it your month to smile, and spread joy to others.

The first small television set, available in 1929, was housed in a cabinet and displayed a fuzzy photo the size of a postage stamp. A short time later the display grew to four inches. By the late 1990s, we watched television on wall-sized screens—some eight feet wide.

Soon we will be squinting to view shows on inch-wide screens again, as television shows are now viewed on "Smartphones"; and "Smartwatch" technology has down-sized to a postage size for podcasts.

 

In December 2024, I decided to get with the 'in-crowd' and ditch my trusty flip phone, which had a two-week battery life charge, in exchange for a phone and a watch advertised as "Smart". However, it seems that my version is a "Shadywatch". Readers of "Running With Knives" will understand why I have named the watch "Shady".

 

As was written in "Running With Knives" my compatibility with technology continues to confound and may become legendary. We all have an energy field that emits electricity. I've been told that my electromagnetism and my vibrations are close to an audible 20 Hz frequency. Indeed, people have either felt or heard me coming prior to my entrance. Although, here in this electronic instance, I blame the 'Shady Watch".

 

The 'watch' during sleep mode should detect the end of my sleep cycle. Ha! I've walked, shaken my arms, and activated the 'Activity' menu to count steps. 'Shady Watch' is still in Sleep mode. The watch does its own thing, including changing apps without any tap from my finger. There are also vibrations without any notification or change in the face. I've learned to ignore these spam vibrations.

 

A word or two on the hypnotizing effect of technology:
Prior to the unfortunate purchase of this toy, I wondered why so many people were walking about like zombies with their eyes focused on their wristwatch. Now I know.

The watch buzzes the tenth notification before noon. "What the heck is it notifying me about now?" I grumble out loud. After two days, the device has made me into a mad person.

 

Imagine the first phone call that came through: Withinn an hour of wearing the watch the 'Watch' buzzes. I am now "trained" to look. A phone icon is lit. What? My phone did not ring. This is Dick Tracy time. I answer the faux phone because the 'real' computerized phone is silent. The caller is barely audible. Annoyed and shaking my head, of course, I have no idea how to adjust the volume. Five minutes to check internet instruction, when I would rather be eating or doing anything else.  

 

I've tried to find and then follow online instructions for detailed steps on how to operate this 'Smart Watch'. Due to the unfortunate fact that a new updated version is sold each year, my version doesn't have instructions online as yet. The older instructions do not apply and are not compatible with newer technology. Instructions on turning off the phone displayed text for dialing Emergency Services!

 

This is an excessively expensive toy with over 40 apps and a minimal 10-hour battery life. Only five apps are really needed, but it is not possible to remove unused apps that use up battery life. The watch and the phone are modern appliances added to my list of "take too much time to learn how to operate". And of course, the inevitable wasted time on numerous taps to find a needed application.

 

Old is new again, but not in a better way. Dick Tracy did it better.

The following vignette occurred in the mid-1980s. Today, I was curious as to whether any restaurants offered dessert buffets. A recent quick internet search listed these possible replacement options:

• Fairmont Olympic Hotel in Seattle. WA, Centennial Afternoon Tea with limited mini-desserts
• R + M Dessert Bar in Seattle, WA
• Eagles Buffet-Casino Arizona in Scottsdale, AZ
• Spot Dessert Bar- four locations in New York City and one in Cherry Hill, NJ

No matter where you are located, if you would like to share your favorite dessert establishment, please use the comment menu below. We would love to know about sweet restaurants! Not a donut shop, please.

Update to the 'Let's Dine First" chapter:

  
Decadent Affairs

Delicious scrumptious dark, darkest chocolate, and visions of strawberries coated with melted chocolate entered my mind as I read an advertisement from the Seattle Sheraton Hotel featuring a dessert buffet. I was researching restaurants for a surprise birthday treat for my hunky beau. (Advancing foundation plans for a long-term relationship) No ordinary menu would do.
     Now I could practically feel the smooth texture of chocolate on my tongue as I imagined the coating cracking with the first bite, or perhaps a warmed softened chocolate exterior would open up more flavors and complement the seedy crunchy texture of a juicy strawberry.
     Drooling now, I dialed the hotel's phone number to make a reservation. An extreme buffet dessert selection would make and take the cake, so to speak.
Since we were both very active sports-wise, I figured that the extra calories would do us no harm.
     "Where are we going for my birthday lunch?"
     "I want to surprise you with something a little different."
     "You know that I don't like surprises. Tell me where we are going," he insisted.
     I replied a bit more emphatically, "Sorry, but I will say no more until the big day."
***
Driving en route, a last-minute reveal, "We are having a sweet, festive dining experience at the Sheraton Hotel. Again, I will say no more until we are inside."
     We were greeted at the maitre d's stand. I opened with, "We have a reservation for the dessert buffet."
     The maitre d' expressed puzzlement bringing his chin down and scrunching his eyebrows together, "Oh, yes. We have it here. Table for two near the dessert buffet and windows." He then led us through the dining room.
     Joseph asked me, "What did you mean by dessert buffet?" As we passed the main attraction, my eyes opened wide and I pointed to the scrumptious spread.
     Tiramisu, cookies, chocolate decadence cake, assorted white cakes, chocolate eclairs, and fruit tarts (two of my preferred); petit fours - one of Joseph's favorites -, creme brulee, strawberries Devonshire, and of course chocolate covered strawberries!
     The maitre d' seated us at a linen-covered table within steps of the dessert spread. "Would you care for any beverages?"
     I smiled at the maitre d', "Yes, please. Two champagne cocktails. The classic recipe with cognac."
     The waiter brought water glasses and a full luncheon menu.
     Joseph was not fully aware of and had not as yet bought into my plan. "Scallops will pair nicely with our champagne."
     Curious how much this surprise would cost me, I also scanned the menu. "I'm trying to find the dessert buffet section, but it is not listed." My eyes twinkled as I looked into his sky-blue eyes and thought, he will need those extra calories later.
     "You won't find it," he said, "There is no such thing. Hotels do not serve dessert alone. Dessert is an add-on course to a lunch, which we should order."
     "No! They advertised a Dessert Buffet and that is what I specifically made the reservation for."
     The waiter returned with our champagne and asked if we'd like to hear the specials.
     "We are having the Dessert Buffet only," as I handed the menus back to the waiter.
     He gave a questioning look, "Your selection of desserts is included in the price of a luncheon. Unless, of course, you would care for only one dessert, you may choose one from the table, or I can offer you a dessert menu."
     I was becoming impatient. "No. Thank you. We are interested in the buffet only. That will be our lunch."
     "Thank you," the waiter took the menus and trotted off. Near the kitchen, he had an animated conversation with someone who appeared to be the manager and the maitre d'.
     Joseph said, "See. I knew it. There is no such thing. Hotels do not serve dessert buffet alone, we will have to order lunch."
     The manager returned and declared that there was no problem and that they would be happy to accommodate us.
     At the buffet, we by-passed several jell-o bowls preferring to select the most decadent, rich desserts offered. Aa-a-h-h! Everything paired so well with the champagne.
     For the finale, we ordered an espresso each with a bite of a traditional lacy-fingered tiramisu.
     We were quite jittery and giddy after the sweet high, but I knew we would work off our sweet lunch...

"OK! Wake up!" I shoved my roommate's shoulder to rouse him from sleep at two in the morning. This was one of my wake up, can't sleep, get up and do something other than shopping in the middle of the night routine.

This morning, I decided to take action regarding our last week's discussion on body building and fitness. In our third decade of life, keeping in shape, working out and building stamina required increasingly more effort. This was the perfect time for a meditative run around Greenlake without bumping into the masses.

"What are you nuts? It is freezing outside! There's ice and two inches of snow out there."

I gleefully persuaded, "Yes! The temperature will be quite invigorating, and we will use more energy shedding calories and fat. Plus we will have the track to ourselves!"
I should speak for myself, as Tom had no fat. He was lean and muscular. But also a great sport and after a few tugs he got up and drove us to the lake.
Crystally snow crackled under our running shoes. The sky revealed twinkly stars on that crisp clear night and the air was so fresh without human interference.
After half an hour of jogging, we returned to the vehicle.

With a sheepish grin, Tom admitted, "That was a great wake-up run. But I still think you are crazy."

It was the best time to run. For some reason, unknown to me, on future opportunities when I actually went as far as attempting to kick him out of bed he refused to budge.